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Could someone critique my essay?

Could someone please critique my essay? I am currently a freshman in college and its a final essay in an indroduction to western civilization class. The topic is what is Western Civilization and which civilization we learned about contributed the most to Western Civilization. Some of the most important cultures into the development of Western Civilization are the Ancient Near East, Egypt, Greece, Rome and the Middle Ages. They have all added onto what Western Civilization is. Anyone who is living in a western civilized area live in a cultural of evolution. One that instead of staying in a traditional community it is one that is always trying to improve, trying to be the most modern society. Western Civilization isn’t a time period but more of a culture that no matter how old will exist. People that don’t want to live like their ancestor were but instead want to create new technology and new innovations for the world are what make up Western Civilizations. They are what Western Civilizations are, always being the most modern, the most technologically and intellectually advanced and being one of the most powerful places in the world. Many of these places have a background linked to Christianity and Europe. Since the beginning of time the world has seen many different civilizations develop and then decline. Many of these last a few centuries and then go away by being destroyed or being taken over by another and having to adopt the other people’s culture. Each one of these civilizations has made some contribution to today’s world. Ancient Egypt was able to tell that there are 365 days in a year, Ancient Greece created the Olympics and theater, the Romans were able to create roads and architecture that is still standing and Medival Times brought Romanesque buildings that are found in areas thoughout the world. Although, all of the civilizations had their own contributions to Western Civilization in my opinion the group that has arguably contributed the most towards west civilization would be the Romans. The Romans progressed what people thought of government, architecture, religion, the design of military systems and many other areas of society at the time. These people were able to dominate the Mediterranean for over 1,000 years. At one point The Roman Empire stretched out over 2 million miles. They changed the landscape of the Mediterranean in several of ways that are still able to be seen. The smartest mind in Rome had ideas that no one ever had thought or heard of before. Before Rome became the mighty empire that it ended up being, it was once ruled by the Etruscans. According to legend the prince of the Etruscans raped a wife of a Roman named Lacretia. After this happened the Romans rebelled against the Etruscans and won their independence. Once they were independent the Romans decided that they would never again be under rule of a king and they created a new form of government. They called their new form of government a democracy. As opposed to the monarchy rule that they lived under in the past democracy let the people give their say on how Rome and the government should be ran. They took democracy from the Greeks but changed it up a little. Instead of just having elected representatives make decisions for the people the Romans directly made their decisions. Democracy is run by three branches. One of these branches had two people in charge called consuls who took the place of a king. Consuls were only allowed to rule for one year and then new Consuls were chosen. They were able to veto each other and controlled the army, served s judges and had various religious duties. The second branch was the Senate. The Senate had control over the spending and taxation. In the beginning the Senate had 300 members. In times of war the Senate could choose one person to be a dictator over Rome for 6 months at a time. After a Consul’s year was up they then became Senate members until death. The third branch was The Assembly which was broken up into The Assembly of Centuries and The Assembly of Tribes. The Assembly of Centuries was made up of the whole army and they elected the consuls. The Assembly of Tribes would approve of reject laws and decide issues of war and peace. The Romans were able to build things that no one was able to do in at the time. They were the first people to figure out how to create the arch. Once they were able to do this they had the ability to make large arched monuments like the Arch of Titus. Besides arches the Romans were also able to create a system of aqueducts that went throughout Rome so that the cities would have enough water for its citizens. They also constructed roads that went all over the Empire. At one point all of the roads in Europe lead to Rome. Much of the European cities that were under Roman rule had amphitheaters which were used for their gladiatorial games. In the center of Rome the Coliseum was built to hold the largest gladiatorial games. The Coliseum was ab

Public Comments

1. Where is your intro? You mix your intro with your 1st body paragraph. Your intro should say what the entire essay is about then what each paragraph is about. "Hinduism has had a profound effect on India. (Types of food they eat because). (Cultural Differences). (The way they live). etc. ..................
2. Other than part of it being cut off I think it is great. I have taken 2 English classes in college and a have a 4.0 GPA. I have to say great work. Although you have to remember that not all college professors are the same. I would suggest to use your best judgment on what they expect.