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Would you like to correct my ENGLISH essay please?

The topic is : The government is responsible for protecting a nation’s cultural identity. Thus, some people believe new buildings should be built in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Here is my essay: It is universally acknowledged that the unique style of constructions plays an essential role of the cultural identity of a country. Therefore, increasingly people are convinced that all new buildings should be constructed in traditional ways. From my perspective, I believe that the styles of architecture could be diversity. Admittedly, restricting the models of buildings may contribute to prevent the cultural inherent from being obsolete. Especially, local inhabitants could obtain the sense of pride by living in traditional buildings. However, if constructions of the entire city are designed similarly, it is unavoidable that citizens would feel boring and monotonous. Besides, as the constructing skills of our ancestor were by no means sophisticated, it is common that there are numerous defects or potential risks in the old designs. Consequently, without promoting the traditional styles, those defects would be blind imitated by generations rather than be improved. By contrast, it is manifest that allowing the innovations in architecture renders people a vast of benefits. To begin with, modern buildings are compact and economy. Particularly, compared with the old-style buildings, modern-style tall ones, which occupy only small area while providing lots of floor space for people to live and work in, have inherent advantages in terms of saving land. Furthermore, in some cases, modern-style constructions could be the new landmarks of nations or cities, which could in turn promote the identity of culture. A recent survey conducted on a global basis by IGRC indicated that, more than 50% metropolises are representing by constructions built in a modern way over these half centuries. In conclusion, concededly, preserving the traditional styles of construction is one of effective measures that can protect the cultural identity. However, considering the potential drawbacks, as well as taking the advantages brought about by modern style buildings into account, it is an evitable fact that building all constructions in traditional way is pointless and justified, and would be the last step governments should address.

Public Comments

1. Second Paragraph: "However, if constructions of the entire city are designed similarly," Should read: However, if construction of entire cities are designed similarly, OR: However, if the construction of an entire city is designed similarly, "it is common that there are numerous defects or potential risks in the old designs." Should Read: it is known that are there numerous defects and/or potential risks with the old designs. "those defects would be blind imitated by generation rather than be improved" Reads Better With: future generations will be blind to the defects, and instead of improving on them, they may in fact imitate them. Third Paragraph: "To begin with, modern buildings are compact and economy." Should Read: To begin with, modern buildings are compact and economical. "which occupy only small area while providing lots of floor space for people to live and work in," Should Read: which occupies only a small area, while providing lots of floor space for people to live and work in. OR: which only occupies small areas, while providing lots of floor space for people to live and work in, "Furthermore, in some cases, modern-style constructions could be the new landmark of nations or cities" Take Out: "in some cases" Should Read: Furthermore, modern-style constructions could be the new landmark of nation or cities, If using a business name which is abbreviated such as "IGRC" either include the name in brackets after it example "A recent survey conducted on a global basis by IGRC (Insert the name of your abbreviation here) indicated that, " "more than 50% metropolises are representing by constructions built in a modern way over these half centuries" Should Be: more than 50% of metropolises are represented by buildings contructed in a modern way for over half a century. Fourth Paragraph: The word "concededly" shouldn't be there. "preserving the traditional styles of contruction is one of the effective measures that can protect the cultural identity." Read Better As: preserving the tradition styles of buildings is one of the effective measures that can prtect the cultural identity. "it is an evitable fact that building all contructions in the traditional way is pointless and justified, and would be the last step governments should address" Would Be Better Read As: it is an inevitable fact, that construction of all buildings in the traditional manner would not be a viable choice, and not a priority governments should address. ------------------------------------- Hope my corrections help (should you choose to use them). I did enjoy reading this, and I wish you luck on your grade :)